This year I turned thirty. I wasn't worried about turning thirty. It feels weird to say I'm thirty, but I'm sure that will wear off. I'm not where I thought I'd be at thirty, but if I were, I'd just be bored, so this is pretty okay, too.
Normally I set goals on my birthday for the year, but I didn't last year. Last year, my life was in a state of total suck. I remember sitting on the steps of the house where I lived, crying because back then I was just so sad all the time, and thinking, "Just wait. By your next birthday, everything will be so much better, you'll feel silly for ever having felt this way."
In a lot of ways, I was right. In other ways... well, some of the things that hurt then still hurt now, and I guess maybe they will for a long, long time. But my life, overall, is completely different and has deeply improved since then. I don't feel silly for feeling the way I did last year. If anything, I'm glad I felt that way, because I still remember it like it was just earlier today, and if I didn't, I'm not sure I'd realize now how strong I was this past year, or how much I have to be grateful for in other people.
I guess I had one goal: I set a ridiculously unattainable weight loss goal for today about ten days ago, and then I hit it and lost an extra three pounds, and I'm not telling you what it is because it's still an embarrassing weight to be, but when I stepped on the scale at the gym today, I immediately started doing this:
I also had some old goals that I hoped to have met by the time I was thirty. I wanted to own my own house. Did that. I wanted to get out of Listowel. Did that. I wanted to figure out what the hell to do with my hair. Did th--well, whatever, there's always next year. This year, thankfully, my life isn't so filled to the brim with suck, so I should set goals. My horoscope says I should try to change the world.
I told my kids I was going to change the world, and you know what they said? They said, "Oh, really? What are you going to change?" Kids are awesome like that. They think a person can change the world. They believe in fairytales and magic and Santa Claus, and underneath all that fluff, they believe in people still. I love that about them. It's brave. When I grow up, I want to be brave like children are.
I didn't have an answer to their question, by the way. I don't know how I'm going to change the world yet. But I reckon I will, because I don't really have anything else planned, so that should help pass the time.