Monday, 12 September 2011

No, sorry, I can't go on a date on Friday night. I'm busy trying to CHANGE THE WORLD

This is going to be a short blog post.

I spent a lot of the last couple months furiously dating. I also spent a lot of it being disappointed that nobody seemed to want to date me so much, even though I really only met a couple people in whom I was genuinely interested. I spent a lot of the last few weeks in particular thinking about how I maybe just don't have anything to offer a partner in life. And I probably don't. Honestly.

But the other day I realized that I think I have something to offer, like, the world. Or at least my corner of it. And maybe it's a self-defense mechanism talking, but I think that's more important. That's probably why I will never have much to offer in the way of domestic living. I just feel like I can fry fish that are SO MUCH bigger than that.

I don't think I can be somebody's perfect wife and still try to change the world.
And I'd rather change the whole frigging world than learn how to make a pot roast.
I'm kind of the sort of person who could do it, too.
The world, not the pot roast.

 I could do something worthwhile if I stopped worrying about finding someone to watch a movie with on Friday nights and remembered that I don't even watch movies on Friday nights. Know what I do on Friday nights? I read world news, and look up facts and figures, and review legislative transcripts.

Okay, sometimes I go out and get irresponsibly drunk and do crazy things.
But most times--nope, it's pretty much the stats and transcripts.

And I don't want to give that up. Sure, sometimes I like to watch a movie. But I don't want just that. Don't misunderstand: family is really important and I would never put anything--not even the fate of world--before my kids.  But I don't ever want to feel that all I need is my own comfortable life when I know I could be making so much more than that happen. And marriage seems to breed that attitude while it's breeding little humans.

I don't know--maybe someday when I've figured out exactly how I'm going to change the world, some guy will come along who'd be okay with me having more to offer it than to offer directly to him. If he does--cool. I bet I like that guy. If he doesn't--whatever. I think I'm still okay.

That's all. I guess this wasn't that short. It was short for me. And short on pointfulness. But that's pretty much standard for this here blogarooni.

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