Thursday, 8 September 2011

It's a Great Time to be a Geek

Geeks are the new black. They're cool now, and they're everywhere. They're your neighbours, your dentists, your grocery store clerks, and your friends. And they're terrific. They're enviable, even, in their coolness.

Good for them.

You know what will never be cool?

That sucks. Because I'm not a geek. I'm a nerd.

Geeks know things about stuff--geeky stuff, but stuff nonetheless. They tend to know a lot about video games and zombies and cult-hit movies and internet lingo. And then geeks also know a lot about mainstream popular culture, which is almost unfair, because why do they get both? And when they get together, they all get along and have geekgasms about various mobile devices and new releases of operating systems.

I'm not a geek.
I do not know anything about zombies. I have not seen Shaun of the Dead.

I have also not seen most other movies that are enjoyed by cults of geeks. Actually, I've seen remarkably few movies--full stop.

I have never purchased a gaming console of any kind. There's an Xbox in my house. It belongs to my sister. I played Charlie and the Chocolate Factory once. It was really hard.

I don't know what any of the weird smileys ( like <.< ) mean, and I always have to get people to explain internet shorthand to me, or I have to look it up on urban dictionary.

I do have a BlackBerry. I like it just a normal amount. I would not defend it to the death. I would not even  camp out overnight to get one if a new colour option were introduced. I have no other devices that are even remotely mobile. Unless my car counts.

I'm a nerd.
I don't know anything about anything that could be considered useful.

I do know darn near everything about a few topics that are dull and could not by even the stretchiest of imaginations be put to practical use.

When people talk about anything pop culture, I get to practice my "try not to have a blank stare" face. I'm getting so good at it.

I only love Buffy because of the wordplay and the genius of the writing in a very literary sense. I don't give a damn about vampires or demons outside of the Buffyverse, and I don't intend ever to do so.

I am, in pretty much every single possible way--including but not limited to the way I dress, the way I talk, and the way I dance--undeniably uncool. (And I'm not a geek, so when I say UNsomething, I actually mean not that thing, and do not mean that it really is that thing, but in a supposedly unconventional way. I'm not cool in an unconventional way. I'm just not cool.)

I want to start a Nerd Revolution.
Make us cool, too, you know? Like the geeks.

But none of us know how to interact with others. Even among our own kind. I, for one, am usually too busy reading literary critical theory and legislative transcripts to organize a whole revolution.

In a way, we are the ultimate hipsters (hey, look at me! I know that word!) because we really TRULY don't know what the hell you're talking about and we are only interested in things that you've probably never heard of and would never care about.

The Nerd Revolution is probably not going to happen. I'm never going to be cool.
In light of the fact that real nerds will never be where it's at, I think I should shoot for "pretty girl with glasses" nerd, like in the movies--yes, I've seen enough movies to know that the nerd is just a smoking hot chick with bad hair and glasses.  

I'm smoking hot.
I've got bad hair.
I can buy some horn-rimmed glasses.
(Okay, one of those things wasn't true.)


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